Author to release book on Amish wedding celebrations, customs [Q&A] |

Anybody who has been on a back road in Lancaster County early in the morning on a Tuesday or Thursday between October and January has likely seen Amish buggies heading to weddings.

Beth Oberholtzer interviewed some young men who tend to the equines that pull them there while researching “Working Horses of Lancaster County.” She also touched on Amish weddings when she wrote about celery — which can appear in dishes or as decoration — in another book, “Amish Gardens of Lancaster County.” Seeds for a new project were planted.

“The thing that really nailed it was someone showing me a wedding planning book that was especially for Lancaster County Amish weddings,” Oberholtzer says. “And it was amazing. I couldn’t believe the lists of people and jobs. So, it just kind of stewed in my mind.”

Each book is a labor of love, says the Manheim Township book designer and author.

“I try to resist doing it until it gets a hold of me and doesn’t let go,” Oberholtzer says. “So, that’s what happened here. And I had some very fortuitous connections.”

She spent about two years researching and writing “Amish Weddings: From Courtship to Celebration,” talking with everyone from bishops to brides. The book published by Herald Press officially hits shelves March 25, and three local events about book are planned for this spring. Oberholtzer talked by phone with LNP | LancasterOnline about wedding food, favors, procedures and what surprised her. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

What’s the No. 1 question you expect to encounter at book talks you’ll be giving in April and May?

Probably how many (Amish) weddings I’ve attended, which is kind of embarrassing, because I’ve only attended one. And I was lucky for that one. I really tried to charm my way into being invited to weddings. I said I would not be intrusive. But it just didn’t happen. They’re private affairs. They’re not something that you willy-nilly invite someone to. So, I was fortunate to attend one, and it was toward the end of my research. So, it was nice how familiar it all was.

You knew what to expect by that point?

Yes. And it happened. It confirmed things. And added color.

You dedicate a lot of pages to dating and what youth do before that. Why was that important and what is the biggest misperception you think folks have about Amish traditions on that front?

I never expected to write about youth. But it all leads into dating and engagement. And the whole youth culture was so incredible. That socialization is really a building block for healthy relationships.

Youth groups were a big surprise to me. When I was in youth group, we had a church youth group. Whereas, here, the churches are formed in geographic districts, but the youth groups aren’t. There’s a choice as to what youth group you might join as a young person.

Anything else? Any urban legends out there?

Bundling. (Wikipedia describes “bundling” as wrapping a couple together in a bed with a board between them and states that it’s associated with the Amish.) They just laughed at me when I asked about bundling.

Not so much anymore?

Well, or ever. Nobody said, “Oh, my grandmother did that.” I think this is how (that notion) might have come about. The groom does often move in with the bride’s family prior to the wedding. The idea is that he’s available to help as needed, especially if it’s a farming family and they have a much bigger property that needs to be cleaned up.

You explain a number of terms in the book, including “Eck.” Could you sum that up?

It is multipurpose. It literally means “corner” in Pennsylvania Dutch. So, No. 1, it describes where the bridal couple sits at the big table. Then there are three or four married couples who are asked to be the Eck tenders. They serve the bride and groom throughout the day. But to complicate it, there is also a display area called the Eck (for) food gifts. It might be a platter of rolled-up meat and cheese. It might be a candy dish filled with candy. And there is a small Eck kitchen that is adjacent to the Eck display and adjacent to the dining room, so (those working in that kitchen) can easily access the bride and groom, because they make special little foods for them.

Here’s a word one might not automatically expect to read in this book: kombucha. Hipster weddings? Sure. But, as you write, kombucha might also end up at an Amish wedding inside etched glasses given as favors.

Couples enjoy serving special drinks to close friends and family. It might not be kombucha. It might be sparkling cider or spritzers.

You mention other examples of wedding favors. What was your favorite that you encountered?

I just love the fact that one groom gave hoof picks. I don’t even have a horse, and I was convinced I needed a hoof pick. I loved it because there’s no non-Amish wedding where most people would need a hoof pick.

English wedding planners probably shudder to read this, but … no RSVPs. Are there lessons to be learned from how these folks can pull off such massive events without them?

There are these mental calculations. If it’s in the fall, at the beginning (of the season), people might not have had wedding food for a while so they’re very excited and will eat more. But in the fall, there are more weddings, so there may be fewer people because (invited guests) may have to choose which to attend. And if you have a lot more men, maybe uncles, they might eat more. It’s this mental calculus.

And some people do not do that at all. Some say they want lots of leftovers. They send it home with workers. They send it home with relatives. They make meals for shut-ins. I think leftovers are welcome.

You explain how preparation is a massive undertaking with assigned positions ranging from potato people, roast people and celery people to the “paper ladies” who make the lengthy to-do lists and make sure they’re done. Which job would you personally hope to be assigned?

Well, if I knew enough, I would want to be a paper lady, just because I’m very organized and I love the idea. They rotate it. It’s often a sister of the bride’s mother, or maybe a sister-in-law of the bride’s mother. It’s an honor.

I was asking someone, “Do you just skip people? Women who might not do a good job?” And this one woman explained, no, you want to include everyone. If someone is naturally a less organized person, she will be paired with someone much more organized.

You mention how “to the chagrin of some traditionalists,” celery is not as prominent at some Amish weddings as it was in the past. Why do you think that’s something they’re letting go of, and why was celery central to begin with?

My understanding is that it’s a fall vegetable. So, celery is what was available and fresh. And not much is accepted as decorations. So, if you have vases on the table with celery hearts with decorative leaves, that’s attractive.

Now that a few other modest decorations are used, celery may be less important. And brides may think it’s old-fashioned. But it’s still there as food.

What other shifts in tradition stood out to you as the most dramatic?

Not dramatic as much as general. And that would be there’s less of a tie to the agricultural calendar. I would say, percentage wise, there are fewer Amish who make their living on farms. There is a change in the existing space on a property to hold a wedding. So, you see more wedding houses or wedding additions (brought in) if you don’t have a place to hold 400 or 500 people.

There are a lot more gifts that are brought to weddings these days. In the past, very few gifts were brought to weddings. And the couple, during the period when they lived with the bride’s family (after the wedding), did intensive, multiple rounds of visiting. They visited every single wedding guest and were given the wedding gift then. This one couple that I know that got married a few years ago did that. Whereas, in contrast, another couple that got married a year and a half ago? They got a lot of gifts at their wedding and they only visited very close family members after the wedding. So, I think that’s a pretty big shift.

What was the biggest surprise while researching the book?

No. 1 was the incredible commitment to hosting a wedding at the bride’s home. I host maybe 12 people. So, hundreds at your home? And there’s a community commitment to that. It’s important to maintain a home wedding. And an industry has grown around that.

Weaverland Conference, Old Order Mennonites, some years ago, also had weddings at home. But they started building what they called reception centers. So, you can see the steps that different groups have taken. And that was a step that the Weaverland Conference took, likely because they weren’t farming as much. But they also have cars. They drive to the reception centers.

If I would have thought of it, I would have said to the bishops, “What is this (commitment about)? What’s the back story on this?” But I don’t know. I’m just speaking to what I observed.

The other surprise was the incredible hierarchy of your status. Your status related to your gender, your marital status, your age and your closeness to the bride and groom.

One young lady I talked to said, “My time will come.” People in English society think they need to get everything young, get a cellphone at 9, or whatever it is. But (with the Amish) there’s this acceptance, because they see this path.