How to Write the Perfect Graduation Speech
Graduation season is upon us. While we all want our beloved members of the class of 2025 to feel our love, pride, and excitement, few of us look forward to the act of putting those feelings into words on a page—much less performing those words in front of an audience of judge-y youths and extended family. Luckily, Carol Leifer and Rick Mitchel— both award-winning writers and veteran comedians—have created a fail-proof template for writing the perfect speech. While the word “template” may sound impersonal, the finished product will not be. Don’t believe us? Start filling out the cheat sheet below.
Graduation-Speech Template
Hello, my name is (your name).
and I’m (relationship to graduate).
I remember when I first met (graduate), (where and when you met the graduate: if you’re related, no need for this).
I’m so proud that (graduate)
is graduating.
I always knew (graduate)
would because of (a characteristic or quality of graduate).
I remember one time (something graduate did to display this characteristic or quality).
Of course, at times, I had my doubts (graduate)
would make it to the finish line.
Let me tell you this story about (graduate). (a funny story or embarrassing story about graduate).
As you know, (graduate)
majored in (graduate’s major: if a high school graduation, mention their strongest subject).
Looking back, this makes a lot of sense.
(a funny or embarrassing story that shows why that major or subject is perfect for graduate).
(graduate)
was also very active in (sport or activity graduate took part in).
I have to tell you this story.
(funny or embarrassing story about graduate’s sport or activity).
Now that (graduate)
has graduated, next (graduate)
is going to (graduate’s plans: mentioned whether the graduate as a job, is going to do more school, will be traveling, or has plans to do nothing).
I think that’s a (“good idea” / “bad idea”),
and I’ll tell you why. (funny reason why you think graduate’s plans is a good idea or a bad idea).
So let’s raise our glasses to (graduate)!
I wish you all the best in the future. I know you’ll be successful at whatever you do. Congratulations and cheers!
Adapted from How to Write a Funny Speech by Carol Leifer and Rick Mitchell, published by Chronicle Books 2025.
Carol Leifer is an Emmy and Golden Globe winner for her work as a writer/executive producer on Hacks. She was writer for such shows as Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Saturday Night Live, The Larry Sanders Show, Modern Family (for which she won a Writers Guild Award), and eleven Academy Awards shows, including the 2025 Oscars hosted by Conan O’Brien. As a stand‐up, Carol has appeared on The Tonight Show, HBO, Showtime, and Comedy Central and made a record-setting twenty‐five appearances on Late Night with David Letterman. Her two previous books are When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win and How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying. Carol is a popular speaker on the corporate/nonprofit circuit delivering speeches for over one hundred organizations.
Rick Mitchell is a five-time Emmy-winning writer/producer for The Ellen DeGeneres Show. He also spent years as a writer/producer for TMZ on TV, where he made daily appearances hurling out jokes from the back of the room. As a stand-up, Rick has appeared on Fox’s Laughs and has performed at many comedy clubs across the country.
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