Q&A: Alexia LaFata, Author of ‘She Used to Be Nice’

We chat with author Alexia LaFata about She Used To Be Nice, which follows a young woman who must confront her abuser in this gripping debut novel sure to captivate fans of Sweetbitter and My Year of Rest and Relaxation.

Hi, Alexia! Can you tell our readers a bit about yourself?

Hi! My name is Alexia and I live in New York City. I work in digital media and have been in that industry for the last ten years. I currently do SEO at Vox Media, which is the parent company of many well-known and beloved brands such as New York Magazine, The Cut, Popsugar, The Verge, Eater, The Dodo, and more. In my spare time, you can find me reading, watching documentaries, exploring new restaurants, taking walks outside, or eating pasta.

When did you first discover your love for writing and stories?

I was so young. My earliest memory is of being seven or eight years old and writing a story called “My Twinn Doll” about a doll that looked like me from a now-defunct brand of the same name. My parents had gotten me a little at-home publishing kit where you could write and illustrate a book, and a company would bind it for you into a hardcover. I remember squealing with joy as I opened the cardboard box of my finished book at my grandma’s house in Brooklyn. I felt extremely cool.

That was definitely the marked beginning of my love for storytelling, though I had always cultivated that interest beforehand. From then on, I kept handwritten journals, discovered fanfiction, wrote blogs and essays, did sketch comedy, and got a job right out of college writing for the internet. I’m excited to add being a novelist to that list of creative writing endeavors!

Quick lightning round! Tell us:

• The first book you ever remember reading: A baby book about an elephant named Bump that my mom read to me when I was not even a year old. I still have it in my childhood bedroom.
• The one that made you want to become an author: Anything Sarah Dessen wrote. Each book of hers just made me want to be an author more and more.
• The one that you can’t stop thinking about: I will probably never stop thinking about My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell.

Your debut novel, She Used to Be Nice, is out now! If you could only describe it in five words, what would they be?

Feminist rage with a happy ending. (Sorry, I know that’s six!)

What can readers expect?

In She Used to Be Nice, readers can expect to be surprised, challenged, and satisfied. They will be asked to sympathize with an “unlikeable” heroine—to put themselves in the shoes of a traumatized woman navigating an extremely difficult situation. Their chest might feel tight with anxiety because the story can get dark and uncomfortable. But they will also be moved by Avery’s quiet strength. They can expect a swoony romance, too. They might also laugh when they feel like they shouldn’t (but they should!). Ultimately they can expect to feel a sense of hope and reclamation.

Where did the inspiration for She Used to Be Nice come from?

I started writing She Used to Be Nice back in 2017 during the height of the #MeToo movement. Sexual assault was such a prominent cultural topic, and I knew I wanted to enter the conversation in my own way. Even beyond #MeToo, though, unwanted sexual encounters with men—everything from everyday instances of objectification like catcalling and subway creeps to bigger encounters with sexual violence—are so commonplace as to be almost a female rite of passage. According to the CDC, over half of women will experience sexual violence in their lifetime, and this number is an underestimate. So this issue and all its nuances isn’t going away anytime soon.

I specifically wanted to write a rape survivor who was, for all intents and purposes, pretty normal. Women like Avery who are kinda messy but ultimately trying to move on with their lives after their sexual assaults aren’t represented very much in popular culture. Rape survivors are either portrayed as sort of caricatures (this piece from Vulture does a great job discussing this phenomenon) or as shy and terrified of sex. The latter is in part why I wanted to give Avery a hypersexual trauma response, too, to give her inner world some complexity. Hypersexuality is a lesser known but still pretty common way women respond to sexual violence, yet, again, I don’t see this represented in media about survivors.

I also wanted to write a book about a young woman figuring out who she is after college graduation, which to me feels like a second coming of age. For many people, this period is the first time they are truly on their own, with no expectations about what comes next. And all that freedom can amount to a kind of nothingness that can be daunting and overwhelming. You’re thrust into adulthood while still feeling like a kid, forced to make sense of how your past self fits in with your present and who you want to be in the future. There’s a lot of material there to explore in a novel.

Were there any moments or characters you really enjoyed writing or exploring?

I really enjoyed writing Avery. Her psyche is fascinating to me. I liked tapping into her extremely justified anger and seeing the world through her eyes, while also peeling back her armor at just the right moments to show her soft and tender insides. An early reviewer praised Avery for being a compelling protagonist not because she always knows what to do, but because she faces impossible situations with grit and vulnerability. If every reader thinks that way about her, I did my job successfully.

Did you face any challenges whilst writing? How did you overcome them?

This was a very hard book for me to write. I’d had a lot of experience writing essays and narrative non-fiction, but She Used to Be Nice was my first attempt at real fiction. The first draft that I wrote almost eight years ago was a mess. I didn’t do any outlining or planning—I just wrote by vibes. But I put a lot of pressure on myself to write something perfect because I knew what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it, and I would accept nothing less from myself. In hindsight, though, I don’t think I had the fiction chops to do the story justice yet. Eventually I ended up putting the book aside to work on new projects. When I came back to it, I had grown as a writer and had a fresher perspective on Avery and the best way to tell her story. That’s when it all finally clicked.

Ever since that very first draft, the book has gone through so many iterations of itself. Beta readers and industry professionals of all kinds gave me feedback that was invaluable and helped me shape the story into what it is today. Plus, time and distance from the draft helped. I am confident that the version out in the world now is the best one.

What’s next for you?

I’m soaking up all the joy and pride from She Used to Be Nice finally being out before I dive back into book two!

Lastly, what books have you enjoyed reading this year? Are there any you’re looking forward to picking up?

I loved so many books I read this year, particularly What Kind of Paradise by Janelle Brown, Margo’s Got Money Troubles by Rufi Thorpe, The Stalker by Paula Bomer, and Notes on Infinity by Austin Taylor. There are infinite books on my TBR as well but I’m super excited to read The Names by Florence Knapp, The Best Worst Thing by Lauren Okie, and influencer Lee Tilghman’s memoir If You Don’t Like This I Will Die.

Will you be picking up She Used to Be Nice? Tell us in the comments below!